i'm bored shitless NOW. i mean, sure, i've got piano at 12 but what happens after that?
1. i watch either xxxholic or continue akazukin chacha
2. i study
3. i revise the guide questions for the project
4. i do another filipino journal entry to pass the time
5. i do my dignity card
i just can't decide, cause these are actually all minor things for me... the hell, i wish they just gave us hw!!! gah!
-shing
Saturday, June 28, 2008
reminiscing yesterday
holy fucking shit was the schedule yesterday. there's no other words to express how shitty and how much of a pain it caused me. plus i now owe mara at least 50 bucks.
to start, we had mass at the quadrangle at the preschool. sure, the sun wasn't shining (until the end part of the whole thing) but it was damn humid and so damn packed. i thought it was going to rain but the sun shone, so we all sweated ourselves like shit while the whole mass was going on. sacrifice... sacrifice...
then on to the tent! i didn't get the whole point of the celebration thing but i still cheered on. it doesn't matter if you pretend or mean to cheer, just shout and say 'woot' and everyone's happy to see that.
subjects... hmm... library orientation went a bit well... geometry, a bit trouble coping up with the theorems discussed... chem was altogether a different pain.
we were supposed to haqve double period chem today, but they split both periods so we had lunch in the middle. the sad fact of it was we had to do an experiment, so for the whole lunch, some of us (me, mikee, the whole and loyal-bound group 7, noreen, arriane and ha-yoon) we stayed there sweating still. the experiment turned out to be fun (once you do it properly and you get the whole thing) and me and mikee laughed at ourselves because the percentage error of our first variable was close to 50%. meaning, we had everything wrong. ms. said it was fine, because it's just an experiment anyway: it's what you end up with and you have to stick to it. helped out a few more people and closely watched the other's experiments. oh, and i think we earned plus 5 points in chem for staying.
lunch ended and the rest of the class went back to experimenting while we, those who stayed, ate and laughed the half hour away outside the lab. pretty cool actually, since we all got to bond... and share food ><
CL.... i'm pretty sure i haven't memorized the whole 13 letters of st.paul thing... i'll get it soon, but not now.
freshman hour. i didn't really participate and we all ended up having our small reunion (with our past advisers and teachers) at the flagpole. it was more fun that way! it's quite obvious now how i'm not at all participative with school events. i rarely try my best in it, and i really couldn't care less.
dismissal. so okay, let's get something straight: if i hated you once, don't expect to see my good side ever again. i had nothing else to do but run like crazy towards the preschool gazebo ><>
the whole bus ride going home, i was so high :D i kept on laughing until my sided hurts and i kept on making dumb comments and pouting... in short, being the bitch i am. i dunno. mood swings i guess. how was i supposed to know that guyabano meant guava and not onion? and where the HELL did the avocado came from anyway?
the fun ended when i got home and sat down near my old dog. she's, i guess, almost to her end. being the kid i am, i cried for her until my mom came. nope, i don't HAVE a problem. i just felt like crying cause tootsie (my dog) looked so old, was in pain, felt it a lot and was alone. i wouldn't want that to happen to me but my dog, even though she can't talk, felt it all. i bet she cries often too.
chie and i spent the rest of the night talking on the phone, getting high together. it's not like there's anything else to do anyway :D
in the end, i kinda slept with the lights on. i think i was just closing my eyes when i suddenly woke up 1 in the morning. already? yeah. closed the lights and fell asleep soon after that.
-shing
to start, we had mass at the quadrangle at the preschool. sure, the sun wasn't shining (until the end part of the whole thing) but it was damn humid and so damn packed. i thought it was going to rain but the sun shone, so we all sweated ourselves like shit while the whole mass was going on. sacrifice... sacrifice...
then on to the tent! i didn't get the whole point of the celebration thing but i still cheered on. it doesn't matter if you pretend or mean to cheer, just shout and say 'woot' and everyone's happy to see that.
subjects... hmm... library orientation went a bit well... geometry, a bit trouble coping up with the theorems discussed... chem was altogether a different pain.
we were supposed to haqve double period chem today, but they split both periods so we had lunch in the middle. the sad fact of it was we had to do an experiment, so for the whole lunch, some of us (me, mikee, the whole and loyal-bound group 7, noreen, arriane and ha-yoon) we stayed there sweating still. the experiment turned out to be fun (once you do it properly and you get the whole thing) and me and mikee laughed at ourselves because the percentage error of our first variable was close to 50%. meaning, we had everything wrong. ms. said it was fine, because it's just an experiment anyway: it's what you end up with and you have to stick to it. helped out a few more people and closely watched the other's experiments. oh, and i think we earned plus 5 points in chem for staying.
lunch ended and the rest of the class went back to experimenting while we, those who stayed, ate and laughed the half hour away outside the lab. pretty cool actually, since we all got to bond... and share food ><
CL.... i'm pretty sure i haven't memorized the whole 13 letters of st.paul thing... i'll get it soon, but not now.
freshman hour. i didn't really participate and we all ended up having our small reunion (with our past advisers and teachers) at the flagpole. it was more fun that way! it's quite obvious now how i'm not at all participative with school events. i rarely try my best in it, and i really couldn't care less.
dismissal. so okay, let's get something straight: if i hated you once, don't expect to see my good side ever again. i had nothing else to do but run like crazy towards the preschool gazebo ><>
the whole bus ride going home, i was so high :D i kept on laughing until my sided hurts and i kept on making dumb comments and pouting... in short, being the bitch i am. i dunno. mood swings i guess. how was i supposed to know that guyabano meant guava and not onion? and where the HELL did the avocado came from anyway?
the fun ended when i got home and sat down near my old dog. she's, i guess, almost to her end. being the kid i am, i cried for her until my mom came. nope, i don't HAVE a problem. i just felt like crying cause tootsie (my dog) looked so old, was in pain, felt it a lot and was alone. i wouldn't want that to happen to me but my dog, even though she can't talk, felt it all. i bet she cries often too.
chie and i spent the rest of the night talking on the phone, getting high together. it's not like there's anything else to do anyway :D
in the end, i kinda slept with the lights on. i think i was just closing my eyes when i suddenly woke up 1 in the morning. already? yeah. closed the lights and fell asleep soon after that.
-shing
Thursday, June 26, 2008
today, my eye bags looked REALLY visible
no kidding, my eye bags LOOKED so horribly visible, even bea commented on it when i got to school. yeah, i DID stay up a little late just so i could finish off my filipino journal (which wasn't passed today, mind you.. pisses me off) and to try and make a mind map for world his... i'm so tired actually, my mind's reeling and my head's hurting like hell.
now isn't that an everyday occurence already?
i wouldn't really be surprised if i wake up sick one day. it's always like this: i work myself up then my immunity takes a back seat when i'm rolling like mad. it's annoying, but that's how my school life works.
right now, i only have to read the world his. book, geom if i tried and maybe rewrite my CL hw... it's a shorter list, compared to those i've done a few days ago and i'm pretty thankful that that's just that.
i can't say i'm sick of studying because it's the only way i'll live. it's the only way i'll get on with my life.
immersion. i love helping the poor in any workable way, but then i don't want to go anymore on this immersion. it's on aug 25 - 29 and i feel like i'll cry. my dad's leaving at the 25th of august so that just means we'll be leaving on the same day and he wouldn't be home anymore when i return. it hurts. i told him i didn't want to go anymore, but he insisted that i should. i told him if we could petition something that'll make me go with the other rooms, he said just to let things rest already. my classmates are my classmates and he insists on having fun with them.
all i have to do now is suck it all up and cry later on.
i got a top score on the world his quiz today! i got 9 on the geom aaaaaaand... i'm pretty confident with my trigo exam. yes, confidence. in bea's words: "kaya mo yan cause you're shing!"
eh? it's like i can do anything! *laughs*
i've finally started on the sotry i've worked on for so long... inside my head. i even wrote it in pencil so i could erase it as often as i like to change stuff. i'm just happy that there'd be people who'd be rooting for it till the very end.
i didn't need to do a leveling test today for GIFT cause we were already leveled. *phew* love you ms. bianca and sir. ryan!!!
i'm hungry as hell now~ good luck to me :D
-shing
now isn't that an everyday occurence already?
i wouldn't really be surprised if i wake up sick one day. it's always like this: i work myself up then my immunity takes a back seat when i'm rolling like mad. it's annoying, but that's how my school life works.
right now, i only have to read the world his. book, geom if i tried and maybe rewrite my CL hw... it's a shorter list, compared to those i've done a few days ago and i'm pretty thankful that that's just that.
i can't say i'm sick of studying because it's the only way i'll live. it's the only way i'll get on with my life.
immersion. i love helping the poor in any workable way, but then i don't want to go anymore on this immersion. it's on aug 25 - 29 and i feel like i'll cry. my dad's leaving at the 25th of august so that just means we'll be leaving on the same day and he wouldn't be home anymore when i return. it hurts. i told him i didn't want to go anymore, but he insisted that i should. i told him if we could petition something that'll make me go with the other rooms, he said just to let things rest already. my classmates are my classmates and he insists on having fun with them.
all i have to do now is suck it all up and cry later on.
i got a top score on the world his quiz today! i got 9 on the geom aaaaaaand... i'm pretty confident with my trigo exam. yes, confidence. in bea's words: "kaya mo yan cause you're shing!"
eh? it's like i can do anything! *laughs*
i've finally started on the sotry i've worked on for so long... inside my head. i even wrote it in pencil so i could erase it as often as i like to change stuff. i'm just happy that there'd be people who'd be rooting for it till the very end.
i didn't need to do a leveling test today for GIFT cause we were already leveled. *phew* love you ms. bianca and sir. ryan!!!
i'm hungry as hell now~ good luck to me :D
-shing
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
daily events
(typed yesterday night)
I know everyone who’s been tired, stressed and sick for the last 10 hours all go crawling to bed when night comes. I’m one of those people, but I can hardly come crawling to bed yet jus because I still have a lot of things to do.
Yeah, this is another insert task I’ve been sneaking in alongside my computer usage. Writing down daily events in my ugly notebook helps but typing is so much faster.
So now! Yesterday (Monday) we ate at Bite Club and me and my dad split up on a 9.5 inch burger. Yeah, THAT big. I’m not kidding! It was as big as a damn plate! I beat my dad into eating a half though :P comments for Bite club : a small place (narrow), not really with fast service but with really REALLY great food. It beats mcdonald’s French fries big time. I know I’ve also said this about brothers burger but then, they compete head to head now. The burger was really yummy too, despite its’ size, and I can actually say it’s the best damn burger I’ve ever eaten in my whole entire life.
Today, I flunked my THE test… would possibly flunk my IQ and personality test in guidance hour… same goes for my chem quiz… yeah. The only thing I’m happy about today is that we’ve finally passed the damn poster to our batch rep (yes, without her getting mad at us :P) and we’ve finally scored 207 in the world his. stomper game. Yes, I like the stomper game and I love my groupmates.
Did I mention I’ve got friends inside the classroom already? Yeah, I do now. I feel happy and on this third week, I feel like I want to do school work with those I’m starting to trust. (yes, mikee, I’ll help you with the IP. I’ll make this year different than the previous years you had to suffer doing it alone :D) I’m starting to actually SEE the people who’ll top our class already… strange but you can actually see that distinct little line that separates them from those who cram! It’s just an observation though…
My earphone’s finally bust >< no, I wasn’t waiting for it to get bust but then yeah… accidents happen. So now, my ipod won’t be much active anymore… I actually love my ipod now, though it hasn’t been updated in a very very very VERY long time.
Today, me and my busmates uncovered the secret identity of our new bus conductor. His name’s Neil and he’s only 16. asked why he wasn’t in school, it was because he was waiting for his kid sister (in 3rd year) to finish and they’d go to school together (ain’t that touching and sweet?) next year as seniors. Asked why he was working in our bus as a conductor, he said he just wanted to and that because it was boring not doing anything at all. Other facts state that he’s taken (oh yeah… leia just HAD to ask) and that we kept him from sitting at the front so that we’d have someone to tease.
It’s actually fun to ask questions. Being inquisitive isn’t THAT bad. I hope these skills come in handy one day.
Kate was in a pretty bad mood when we left school. Something should’ve cheered her up by now. Of course, she’s not going to tell me what the fuck happened (cause I’d be over reacting and all and I’d worry then I’d get less concentrated then I lose focus altogether and the blame’s on her – proven true… ) but I hope she’s fine.
We saw ichie off (asked tita to bring me home too >< I mean their house) and stayed at the gazebo in the preschool are with kitty and Joanna. Bought avocado con hielo (because I though it fun and yummy) and pretty much talked about super random stuff. Yup, my best friends are random, and so must I be.
One more thing: I never want to hear statements that go something like ‘i’ve done nothing but this and that and that and this’ because it’s… cge, nakakabastos yung statement na yun, sa totoo lang. Don’t make me see something like that because it feels horrible in my opinion because all I’ve done since the start is to study, study, study, and study.
I don’t want to hear the word ‘august’ too.
You have all been forewarned :D
...
(typed just now)
for the second time, my brother's being sweet. yesterday, he remembered to buy me yogurt then today he bought me icecream... CHOCOLATE icecream at that. how sweet can you brother be?
tired, with lots of things to do and another scratch from kate to boot. no wonder i find myself going crazy at times.
-shing
I know everyone who’s been tired, stressed and sick for the last 10 hours all go crawling to bed when night comes. I’m one of those people, but I can hardly come crawling to bed yet jus because I still have a lot of things to do.
Yeah, this is another insert task I’ve been sneaking in alongside my computer usage. Writing down daily events in my ugly notebook helps but typing is so much faster.
So now! Yesterday (Monday) we ate at Bite Club and me and my dad split up on a 9.5 inch burger. Yeah, THAT big. I’m not kidding! It was as big as a damn plate! I beat my dad into eating a half though :P comments for Bite club : a small place (narrow), not really with fast service but with really REALLY great food. It beats mcdonald’s French fries big time. I know I’ve also said this about brothers burger but then, they compete head to head now. The burger was really yummy too, despite its’ size, and I can actually say it’s the best damn burger I’ve ever eaten in my whole entire life.
Today, I flunked my THE test… would possibly flunk my IQ and personality test in guidance hour… same goes for my chem quiz… yeah. The only thing I’m happy about today is that we’ve finally passed the damn poster to our batch rep (yes, without her getting mad at us :P) and we’ve finally scored 207 in the world his. stomper game. Yes, I like the stomper game and I love my groupmates.
Did I mention I’ve got friends inside the classroom already? Yeah, I do now. I feel happy and on this third week, I feel like I want to do school work with those I’m starting to trust. (yes, mikee, I’ll help you with the IP. I’ll make this year different than the previous years you had to suffer doing it alone :D) I’m starting to actually SEE the people who’ll top our class already… strange but you can actually see that distinct little line that separates them from those who cram! It’s just an observation though…
My earphone’s finally bust >< no, I wasn’t waiting for it to get bust but then yeah… accidents happen. So now, my ipod won’t be much active anymore… I actually love my ipod now, though it hasn’t been updated in a very very very VERY long time.
Today, me and my busmates uncovered the secret identity of our new bus conductor. His name’s Neil and he’s only 16. asked why he wasn’t in school, it was because he was waiting for his kid sister (in 3rd year) to finish and they’d go to school together (ain’t that touching and sweet?) next year as seniors. Asked why he was working in our bus as a conductor, he said he just wanted to and that because it was boring not doing anything at all. Other facts state that he’s taken (oh yeah… leia just HAD to ask) and that we kept him from sitting at the front so that we’d have someone to tease.
It’s actually fun to ask questions. Being inquisitive isn’t THAT bad. I hope these skills come in handy one day.
Kate was in a pretty bad mood when we left school. Something should’ve cheered her up by now. Of course, she’s not going to tell me what the fuck happened (cause I’d be over reacting and all and I’d worry then I’d get less concentrated then I lose focus altogether and the blame’s on her – proven true… ) but I hope she’s fine.
We saw ichie off (asked tita to bring me home too >< I mean their house) and stayed at the gazebo in the preschool are with kitty and Joanna. Bought avocado con hielo (because I though it fun and yummy) and pretty much talked about super random stuff. Yup, my best friends are random, and so must I be.
One more thing: I never want to hear statements that go something like ‘i’ve done nothing but this and that and that and this’ because it’s… cge, nakakabastos yung statement na yun, sa totoo lang. Don’t make me see something like that because it feels horrible in my opinion because all I’ve done since the start is to study, study, study, and study.
I don’t want to hear the word ‘august’ too.
You have all been forewarned :D
...
(typed just now)
for the second time, my brother's being sweet. yesterday, he remembered to buy me yogurt then today he bought me icecream... CHOCOLATE icecream at that. how sweet can you brother be?
tired, with lots of things to do and another scratch from kate to boot. no wonder i find myself going crazy at times.
-shing
Monday, June 23, 2008
the typhoon named 'frank'
note: this was written last night
...
(listening to aishiteru by Mi)
the rain, as of now, has subsided quite a bit, but the damage to the garden outside is still in the same condition as it was this morning.
Last night, I must’ve woken up 5 times through out the night, in different intervals. At 4 in the morning, I was sick of waking up. I didn’t even know WHY I woke up, but I just did. Maybe it was because of the cold or because it was raining so hard I heard the pitter patter of the rain even through my dreams… if I had any. At 8, I was awake but I pushed myself to remain in bed until 9, an hour after. The only reason I got out of bed was because my mom knocked on my door to let her in.
The Indian mango tree beside our gate fell during the night, and now it’s hazardously lying across our driveway, stretching a wire (I think it was an extension of a light) to its limit. It’s sad because we wouldn’t be looking forward to fresh Indian mangoes anymore. It’s a big waste too, since it saves us from buying Indian mangoes by the kilo. Most of all, that particular tree held my interest once: it bore a heart-shaped mango that almost fell on me one day. It all happened when I felt down and depressed, thinking that life didn’t love me in the very least.
The rain fell steadily all day long, the wind closing the windowpanes for us. ‘Frank’, the typhoon that hit us, stayed all day. I didn’t even wash my hair today just because the water felt so cold and I forgot to heat up water. We ate arrozcaldo for lunch, a dish I haven[‘t eaten in a very long time, and went our own ways after that. My mom had an appointment at 3 and me and my bro just watched akazukin chacha for the whole afternoon.
As of now, we’re already at the 3rd disk (out of 4) and the story’s concentrationg (finally) on how in the world chacha, riya and shine-chan would defeat the evil lord and recover chacha’s parents. I was actually surprised to hear that chacha had 2 other weapons other than her beauty serene arrow :D she now has phoenix sword (piisuke!) and the bird shield… was it bird shield? Anyway, she’s set now but I still can’t see why there are more episodes.
In truth, I’ve never finished akazukin chacha. Maybe I did before, but I don’t remember anything now :D
Last night, tita jenny gave my bro an agouti-looking rabbit. At first, I said it’s name was ‘patches’, but my brother misunderstood everything and thought I said ‘peaches’. So now, we call the 2–month old rabbit ‘peaches’ but my bro spells it this way: peeches. Okay, he’s cute that way.
I like peaches a lot, since his fur is of the ‘strokable’ kind. He doesn’t like to be picked up and usually he’s frightened so that’s why I stroke his fur often, just so I can calm the creature. Soon enough, he closes his eyes and he’s fast asleep. I just pity him cause he still lives inside a carton box. We weren’t able to buy a cage for him today because of the storm, but I hope pa finds the time tomorrow. Peaches deserves better than a cramped carton box.
Say I’ve gone crazy but I read the news part of the newspaper cover to cover. It was supposed to be for the stomper game in world his. tomorrow, but since we don’t have classes tomorrow… damn. I even highlighted a lot of the words there!
What else? Yeah, I’ve been studying. It’s funny really. I’ve never expected this to happen to me, anything but this. I guess that’s what third year does to you: makes you all responsible in a weird way… and in a short time too! (must call mikee for our IP proposal tomorrow…)
I’m back to saving the world by recycling paper. I think I’ve lost my kit, but I have at least enough money to buy a new one. I’ve discovered a LOT of papers in one of my drawers and I couldn’t just throw it away. as the newspaper yesterday said, something ‘biodiversity’ thing was going to happen this year, and I decided to take part.
That’s all for today I guess.
-shing
...
(listening to aishiteru by Mi)
the rain, as of now, has subsided quite a bit, but the damage to the garden outside is still in the same condition as it was this morning.
Last night, I must’ve woken up 5 times through out the night, in different intervals. At 4 in the morning, I was sick of waking up. I didn’t even know WHY I woke up, but I just did. Maybe it was because of the cold or because it was raining so hard I heard the pitter patter of the rain even through my dreams… if I had any. At 8, I was awake but I pushed myself to remain in bed until 9, an hour after. The only reason I got out of bed was because my mom knocked on my door to let her in.
The Indian mango tree beside our gate fell during the night, and now it’s hazardously lying across our driveway, stretching a wire (I think it was an extension of a light) to its limit. It’s sad because we wouldn’t be looking forward to fresh Indian mangoes anymore. It’s a big waste too, since it saves us from buying Indian mangoes by the kilo. Most of all, that particular tree held my interest once: it bore a heart-shaped mango that almost fell on me one day. It all happened when I felt down and depressed, thinking that life didn’t love me in the very least.
The rain fell steadily all day long, the wind closing the windowpanes for us. ‘Frank’, the typhoon that hit us, stayed all day. I didn’t even wash my hair today just because the water felt so cold and I forgot to heat up water. We ate arrozcaldo for lunch, a dish I haven[‘t eaten in a very long time, and went our own ways after that. My mom had an appointment at 3 and me and my bro just watched akazukin chacha for the whole afternoon.
As of now, we’re already at the 3rd disk (out of 4) and the story’s concentrationg (finally) on how in the world chacha, riya and shine-chan would defeat the evil lord and recover chacha’s parents. I was actually surprised to hear that chacha had 2 other weapons other than her beauty serene arrow :D she now has phoenix sword (piisuke!) and the bird shield… was it bird shield? Anyway, she’s set now but I still can’t see why there are more episodes.
In truth, I’ve never finished akazukin chacha. Maybe I did before, but I don’t remember anything now :D
Last night, tita jenny gave my bro an agouti-looking rabbit. At first, I said it’s name was ‘patches’, but my brother misunderstood everything and thought I said ‘peaches’. So now, we call the 2–month old rabbit ‘peaches’ but my bro spells it this way: peeches. Okay, he’s cute that way.
I like peaches a lot, since his fur is of the ‘strokable’ kind. He doesn’t like to be picked up and usually he’s frightened so that’s why I stroke his fur often, just so I can calm the creature. Soon enough, he closes his eyes and he’s fast asleep. I just pity him cause he still lives inside a carton box. We weren’t able to buy a cage for him today because of the storm, but I hope pa finds the time tomorrow. Peaches deserves better than a cramped carton box.
Say I’ve gone crazy but I read the news part of the newspaper cover to cover. It was supposed to be for the stomper game in world his. tomorrow, but since we don’t have classes tomorrow… damn. I even highlighted a lot of the words there!
What else? Yeah, I’ve been studying. It’s funny really. I’ve never expected this to happen to me, anything but this. I guess that’s what third year does to you: makes you all responsible in a weird way… and in a short time too! (must call mikee for our IP proposal tomorrow…)
I’m back to saving the world by recycling paper. I think I’ve lost my kit, but I have at least enough money to buy a new one. I’ve discovered a LOT of papers in one of my drawers and I couldn’t just throw it away. as the newspaper yesterday said, something ‘biodiversity’ thing was going to happen this year, and I decided to take part.
That’s all for today I guess.
-shing
Saturday, June 21, 2008
the days just go by
for now, life is a bit hard. not only am i burdened with a lot of assignments but the rain has made me depressed yet again. i can't say how or why it did, but just seeing it rain makes me want to just sleep and forget everything else. it's a comfort that depresses my mood with every raindrop.
for other matters, i got sick one morning and then poof, it suddenly turned into a horrible 'near-to-death' experience. i've written everything already on my filipino journal (since i didn't know what to write) and it still creeps me out. what the hell did i eat?
the rain's a bit strong and my hands are basically tired. plus my eyes hav developed the skill called twitching. my stomach's rumbling too. i didn't eat breakfast in a hurry to go OL. hahahaha. i know, stupid.
actually, i haven't eaten anything decent in school. we're always in a hurry, always cramming, always reading, always grouping... it's like there's no more time for food. at least friends, they gave time for :D
can't think of anything to write anymore.
oh well
-shing
for other matters, i got sick one morning and then poof, it suddenly turned into a horrible 'near-to-death' experience. i've written everything already on my filipino journal (since i didn't know what to write) and it still creeps me out. what the hell did i eat?
the rain's a bit strong and my hands are basically tired. plus my eyes hav developed the skill called twitching. my stomach's rumbling too. i didn't eat breakfast in a hurry to go OL. hahahaha. i know, stupid.
actually, i haven't eaten anything decent in school. we're always in a hurry, always cramming, always reading, always grouping... it's like there's no more time for food. at least friends, they gave time for :D
can't think of anything to write anymore.
oh well
-shing
Monday, June 16, 2008
hard work over the weekend
(a day too late)
Weekends are supposed to be fun and relaxing. Weekends are supposed to be used up by going to church with the family and spending the rest of the time inside the mall. This weekend isn’t like that all…
It all started Saturday morning. I woke up at around 8 to go to my mom’s clinic real early for research. It then took me around 3 hours to find a worthy research (that looks credible enough) and to print what seemed to be an unprintable-looking pdf file. At around 12, I rushed back to the house for piano ( a miserable sounding session that seemed to be totally humiliating for me) and at 1 started to read what I had just printed.
No really, works of scholars are hard to understand at first. For an hour, I was just staring at the paper wondering what kind of language did the authors use. It sounded and looked like complete gibberish. I got the whole thing only this morning (after sleeping on it ><) and pieced it all together from 4 pm to 9 this evening. We celebrated father’s day at my uncle’s house with everyone else. Festivities of any kind are always upheld here, so yeah. Bea’s right: we ARE party people :D Right now, I can’t wash up just yet because my hand suddenly became numb (I handwritten my whole hw) and it’s freakin hot. Kare kano… I have to remember that! Lol Well, it’s another school day tomorrow. I can’t say I’m exactly ready and all… but I’m not nervous anymore. I find school enjoyable now, with all the people around me nice and all. We’re actually good kids ><>
Weekends are supposed to be fun and relaxing. Weekends are supposed to be used up by going to church with the family and spending the rest of the time inside the mall. This weekend isn’t like that all…
It all started Saturday morning. I woke up at around 8 to go to my mom’s clinic real early for research. It then took me around 3 hours to find a worthy research (that looks credible enough) and to print what seemed to be an unprintable-looking pdf file. At around 12, I rushed back to the house for piano ( a miserable sounding session that seemed to be totally humiliating for me) and at 1 started to read what I had just printed.
No really, works of scholars are hard to understand at first. For an hour, I was just staring at the paper wondering what kind of language did the authors use. It sounded and looked like complete gibberish. I got the whole thing only this morning (after sleeping on it ><) and pieced it all together from 4 pm to 9 this evening. We celebrated father’s day at my uncle’s house with everyone else. Festivities of any kind are always upheld here, so yeah. Bea’s right: we ARE party people :D Right now, I can’t wash up just yet because my hand suddenly became numb (I handwritten my whole hw) and it’s freakin hot. Kare kano… I have to remember that! Lol Well, it’s another school day tomorrow. I can’t say I’m exactly ready and all… but I’m not nervous anymore. I find school enjoyable now, with all the people around me nice and all. We’re actually good kids ><>
Saturday, June 14, 2008
first week... done
'it's only been 4 days but i feel like it's been a month since we started school' -dani
yeah. i agree with her. actually, everyone agrees. for the past 4 days, i've done nothing but hold my books and read them till late at night. i can say it's paid off a bit but that's not the problem at hand : i feel like i'm tired already of school life.
my class is actually great, considering that everyone's nice and cheery. well, pranksters and side-commenters are more like it but then we all get along... i think. for now, i've made friends already with the people on the right side of the classroom (where i sit) and i find them nice. honestly, they're all familiar faces that i haven't been classmates with and i find myself wondering now why i didn't try making friend with them before. they're nice, they're dear and fun too... not to mention they like to laugh and joke around a lot.
our AC's busted and we've been sweltering in the heat for 3 days now. yeah, it only worked during the first day. the leaders of our class have come up with the 'close the door quickly' sign (with matching reasons) on both the doors for the foreign (or other) people to see. the room actually gets colder when there's no one in it (we found that out when we went to the lab for a lesson).
what else? first quiz, first SW and first two group presentations went alright, forgetting the fact we were time pressured :D
but of course, though i like my classroom now, i still hangout with kate and ichie during recess, lunch and dismissal. they're the only one's i've got to pull me up now, and even if they're a wall barricade and a - classroom barricade between us all, i still like to think that we're closer than ever. the recess spot's now the far right staircase of the building (the one that's rarely used) and we laugh ourselves stupid cause we know no one hears us.
for the record, i've got 3 ugly-looking bruises in exchange of my attempts to humor kate. well, i've humored her 15-20 times and i'm lucky enough to only get 3 comebacks :D i'll try and ask bea to teach me something close to self defense ><
mmm... i'm not supposed to be updating but yeah... i guess the only times i'll be online now is saturday morning and if it's really important, certain evenings during weekdays. study habits have greatly improved and i've taken to reading while walking :D
homework's not done yet. better go :D
-shing
yeah. i agree with her. actually, everyone agrees. for the past 4 days, i've done nothing but hold my books and read them till late at night. i can say it's paid off a bit but that's not the problem at hand : i feel like i'm tired already of school life.
my class is actually great, considering that everyone's nice and cheery. well, pranksters and side-commenters are more like it but then we all get along... i think. for now, i've made friends already with the people on the right side of the classroom (where i sit) and i find them nice. honestly, they're all familiar faces that i haven't been classmates with and i find myself wondering now why i didn't try making friend with them before. they're nice, they're dear and fun too... not to mention they like to laugh and joke around a lot.
our AC's busted and we've been sweltering in the heat for 3 days now. yeah, it only worked during the first day. the leaders of our class have come up with the 'close the door quickly' sign (with matching reasons) on both the doors for the foreign (or other) people to see. the room actually gets colder when there's no one in it (we found that out when we went to the lab for a lesson).
what else? first quiz, first SW and first two group presentations went alright, forgetting the fact we were time pressured :D
but of course, though i like my classroom now, i still hangout with kate and ichie during recess, lunch and dismissal. they're the only one's i've got to pull me up now, and even if they're a wall barricade and a - classroom barricade between us all, i still like to think that we're closer than ever. the recess spot's now the far right staircase of the building (the one that's rarely used) and we laugh ourselves stupid cause we know no one hears us.
for the record, i've got 3 ugly-looking bruises in exchange of my attempts to humor kate. well, i've humored her 15-20 times and i'm lucky enough to only get 3 comebacks :D i'll try and ask bea to teach me something close to self defense ><
mmm... i'm not supposed to be updating but yeah... i guess the only times i'll be online now is saturday morning and if it's really important, certain evenings during weekdays. study habits have greatly improved and i've taken to reading while walking :D
homework's not done yet. better go :D
-shing
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Expecting the worst and forgetting the best
It’s pathetic how I idly waste my time in listening to two of the most suitable songs that match my mood. From morning to night, those two song just play and re-play themselves on my I-pod, on my cell phone and even inside my head. How pathetic can the rest of my life be?
As foreseen, I’m still in a wreck… and to think it’s almost school time. Really~ I actually wonder how I’ll manage to get through the first day without failing everyone’s expectations… especially mine, since I plan on hiding a few facts about myself. I just HATE responsibility. I’ll take anyone on when it comes to leadership (weird enough but I can get a group project done smoothly) but when it comes to putting a big burden, then I’ll have to pass. If the need arises, I’ll lie that I can’t even hold my pen or something that’ll make me look like a useless person. It’s the only thing that’ll prevent the situation that everyone’ll blame me.
I hate that feeling too. The feeling when you’ve done your best but people never recognize your efforts. In fact, they sneer at your hard work and declare that it’s not enough. It’s as if THEY can do a much better work at it. Hmph. I hate people like those. I can actually name a few people who I’ve come across: those who think they’re gods or some sort of lord. Through my 2 years of high school, I’ve kept close watch and backed down in any chance given to work with them. It’s intuition, really. They have their good points, don’t get me wrong, but being pulled down by their insensitivity and sheer narrow-mindedness can get on anyone’s nerves.
I haven’t been inside a classroom where people are all chums. Bea, pam and chie have, and it’s good for them. For me, not yet. The time hasn’t come for me to realize that they’re good. All I know is that the classroom’s a cycle of backstabbing and hidden hatred. Friends are friends, sure, but you can call anyone your friend. No one uses the word ‘acquaintance’, to be safe.
I don’t really know why I feel pessimistic. Maybe because when I looked over the names of my to-be classmates, I felt somewhat… different. Not even one close friend to boot. Not even one of them with an amazing attraction to anime, literature or whatnot. When I looked at the list for the first time, I felt like a real black sheep; the out of place person. Angel’s there but she’s changed. I really don’t know how to react to it. Hayoon’s there too but she’s got her circle. Cla is just too smart and Mia goes with her. Those are the only people I know and I already feel like I wanna give up.
Maybe I’ll spend my whole year with the other room people, but that’s wishful thinking. What happens inside the classroom then? What will happen when it’s time for groups? For committees? I feel so desolated about it all, I can hardly say I’m excited for classes to begin. All I’m looking forward is the END of the school year, which in reality is a year away.
Why is my life so… so… complicated? Why can’t I just understand? I want to do good, get grades that my parents are going to be so proud of, but I can’t live like that, right? I can’t just turn blind to the life I know and embrace with all my might! Thinking about it, I kinda wish there was some sort of chance I can change rooms. I actually want to go to room 8 or 10 or wherever shaniqua and kitty is. All I want is to feel I belong cause right now, I actually know that I don’t.
As far as school work goes, I’ll manage. I just don’t want to feel shitty and left out. I don’t want to feel rejected by the way I am. I know a lot of people reject me (there’s no use in denying it) and even hate and resent me. I can live with the façade they’re going to play against me but I just can’t take it if all of whom I’m surrounded with are all like that. And I’m not resorting to clinging to my adviser either, whoever she is. I may be nice, but I’m not a teacher’s pet. I have a life too and it doesn’t include being liked by teachers. I bet they see me as a nuisance. An awful one at that.
Worse, I won’t have Brian. I won’t have him to talk to me, to ease a few complications… I can’t say it exactly but I’ll miss him terribly. I already do now, and it hurts that I can’t show it. I have to look normal. Of course it’s my problem and it’s all up to me to fix it. It’s not my dad’s fault, neither is it my mom’s. They want me to finish and live properly. I’ll do what they want, fine, but I’ll have to do what I find right too. It’s sad I can’t say even a proper goodbye… I try saying it to tammy, but the words just won’t come out. I end up staring at him and thinking ‘he’s sticking his tongue at me because I’m pathetic’.
Pathetic. My life’s one big miserable joke.
I’ll hate myself even more if I don’t get anywhere.
…
as a side note, here’s a part of a song I’ve totally forgotten except the chorus…
‘cause I still believe in destiny
that you and I were meant to be
I still wish on a star as it falls from above
Cause I still believe
Believe in love’
I quite doubt that these are the right lyrics, since my mind’s a bit rusty, but I can sing it :D now to find where I got them…
-shing
(to think it’s such a nice day today and I’ve been rambling on badly… how could I?)
As foreseen, I’m still in a wreck… and to think it’s almost school time. Really~ I actually wonder how I’ll manage to get through the first day without failing everyone’s expectations… especially mine, since I plan on hiding a few facts about myself. I just HATE responsibility. I’ll take anyone on when it comes to leadership (weird enough but I can get a group project done smoothly) but when it comes to putting a big burden, then I’ll have to pass. If the need arises, I’ll lie that I can’t even hold my pen or something that’ll make me look like a useless person. It’s the only thing that’ll prevent the situation that everyone’ll blame me.
I hate that feeling too. The feeling when you’ve done your best but people never recognize your efforts. In fact, they sneer at your hard work and declare that it’s not enough. It’s as if THEY can do a much better work at it. Hmph. I hate people like those. I can actually name a few people who I’ve come across: those who think they’re gods or some sort of lord. Through my 2 years of high school, I’ve kept close watch and backed down in any chance given to work with them. It’s intuition, really. They have their good points, don’t get me wrong, but being pulled down by their insensitivity and sheer narrow-mindedness can get on anyone’s nerves.
I haven’t been inside a classroom where people are all chums. Bea, pam and chie have, and it’s good for them. For me, not yet. The time hasn’t come for me to realize that they’re good. All I know is that the classroom’s a cycle of backstabbing and hidden hatred. Friends are friends, sure, but you can call anyone your friend. No one uses the word ‘acquaintance’, to be safe.
I don’t really know why I feel pessimistic. Maybe because when I looked over the names of my to-be classmates, I felt somewhat… different. Not even one close friend to boot. Not even one of them with an amazing attraction to anime, literature or whatnot. When I looked at the list for the first time, I felt like a real black sheep; the out of place person. Angel’s there but she’s changed. I really don’t know how to react to it. Hayoon’s there too but she’s got her circle. Cla is just too smart and Mia goes with her. Those are the only people I know and I already feel like I wanna give up.
Maybe I’ll spend my whole year with the other room people, but that’s wishful thinking. What happens inside the classroom then? What will happen when it’s time for groups? For committees? I feel so desolated about it all, I can hardly say I’m excited for classes to begin. All I’m looking forward is the END of the school year, which in reality is a year away.
Why is my life so… so… complicated? Why can’t I just understand? I want to do good, get grades that my parents are going to be so proud of, but I can’t live like that, right? I can’t just turn blind to the life I know and embrace with all my might! Thinking about it, I kinda wish there was some sort of chance I can change rooms. I actually want to go to room 8 or 10 or wherever shaniqua and kitty is. All I want is to feel I belong cause right now, I actually know that I don’t.
As far as school work goes, I’ll manage. I just don’t want to feel shitty and left out. I don’t want to feel rejected by the way I am. I know a lot of people reject me (there’s no use in denying it) and even hate and resent me. I can live with the façade they’re going to play against me but I just can’t take it if all of whom I’m surrounded with are all like that. And I’m not resorting to clinging to my adviser either, whoever she is. I may be nice, but I’m not a teacher’s pet. I have a life too and it doesn’t include being liked by teachers. I bet they see me as a nuisance. An awful one at that.
Worse, I won’t have Brian. I won’t have him to talk to me, to ease a few complications… I can’t say it exactly but I’ll miss him terribly. I already do now, and it hurts that I can’t show it. I have to look normal. Of course it’s my problem and it’s all up to me to fix it. It’s not my dad’s fault, neither is it my mom’s. They want me to finish and live properly. I’ll do what they want, fine, but I’ll have to do what I find right too. It’s sad I can’t say even a proper goodbye… I try saying it to tammy, but the words just won’t come out. I end up staring at him and thinking ‘he’s sticking his tongue at me because I’m pathetic’.
Pathetic. My life’s one big miserable joke.
I’ll hate myself even more if I don’t get anywhere.
…
as a side note, here’s a part of a song I’ve totally forgotten except the chorus…
‘cause I still believe in destiny
that you and I were meant to be
I still wish on a star as it falls from above
Cause I still believe
Believe in love’
I quite doubt that these are the right lyrics, since my mind’s a bit rusty, but I can sing it :D now to find where I got them…
-shing
(to think it’s such a nice day today and I’ve been rambling on badly… how could I?)
Monday, June 2, 2008
I’m a famous nobody
So far, I’m still caught up with the emotions I felt during the m3 con last Saturday; happiness, disappointment, hyper and maybe a bit of hopeful wishing. For the whole day, it was a roller coaster ride of conflicting emotions and shoving them in the past. I’m sorry to those who were forced to say I looked pretty. Thanks for the effort of trying to cheer me up guys! I love you all~
Since I’ve written it mostly all in my uh… ‘not so secret’ ugly notebook, I won’t waste space. All I know is that I felt oh so gloriously happy. Not even the stares of a million people could ruin it. No, I regret wearing shorts and my new top. According to iks, he noticed others stealing glances at my front. Yes, ridiculous as it sounds, I even checked in the mirror to be sure. I guess the cut of the blouse really meant it to be that way. Oh well, it’s done anyway.
Another thing I feel stupid for is crying on the con itself in the midst of a lot of people. I kinda thank chie for keeping me in check. Oh, and for pulling me back when I was about to make another attempt. How do you say this… I was a bit desperate. Crying in the taxi helped too, cause manong driver was trying to cheer me up too. At the end of the ride (taft station) I was teased to death… and I felt happy about it.
Chie, bea, pam, dani, tina, iya, rissa, my lovable chaperone (yes, I had one) and kuya… thanks for making that day so fun! What a way to ‘mourn’ the end of summer ><
…
I know it’s late, but I just got to watch 300… it was cool >< and all along I thought it was some pointless gory movie… I was so wrong about that~
…
so I guess the other entries posted are those old ones. Forgive me, but I haven’t been online even once ever since 3 weeks ago. Self control? Pretty much~
-shing
Since I’ve written it mostly all in my uh… ‘not so secret’ ugly notebook, I won’t waste space. All I know is that I felt oh so gloriously happy. Not even the stares of a million people could ruin it. No, I regret wearing shorts and my new top. According to iks, he noticed others stealing glances at my front. Yes, ridiculous as it sounds, I even checked in the mirror to be sure. I guess the cut of the blouse really meant it to be that way. Oh well, it’s done anyway.
Another thing I feel stupid for is crying on the con itself in the midst of a lot of people. I kinda thank chie for keeping me in check. Oh, and for pulling me back when I was about to make another attempt. How do you say this… I was a bit desperate. Crying in the taxi helped too, cause manong driver was trying to cheer me up too. At the end of the ride (taft station) I was teased to death… and I felt happy about it.
Chie, bea, pam, dani, tina, iya, rissa, my lovable chaperone (yes, I had one) and kuya… thanks for making that day so fun! What a way to ‘mourn’ the end of summer ><
…
I know it’s late, but I just got to watch 300… it was cool >< and all along I thought it was some pointless gory movie… I was so wrong about that~
…
so I guess the other entries posted are those old ones. Forgive me, but I haven’t been online even once ever since 3 weeks ago. Self control? Pretty much~
-shing
Life : it’s complicated
No, right now, I just don’t really get myself at all… it’s as if for the past 30 minutes I felt like I was in a trance.
Yes, again with being bored. I’ve never felt so much boredom in my whole entire life! I was scourging the 2nd floor for missed books when suddenly I felt the urge to just look at the contents of every drawer, every cabinet and every shelf. Yup, even re-checking my school books for the 100th time.
I guess I was wondering where the past was. I was hoping that some piece of paper from my past would turn up. You know, the ones with my ugly handwriting and all that. Of course, I couldn’t help but get disappointed when none actually appeared. I must’ve threw it all out.
I never had a diary when I was young, honestly. I couldn’t care much to what happened the afternoon before or whatever. I just started writing when I read Anne Frank’s diary. Yes, call me a copy cat but I did. That was when I was 10. so what ever happened to the memories I had when I was 1-9?
I know, I’m rambling; it’s another product of boredom. I’ve pushed my brother out and even used the dim lights this time, just for the feel. To me, I find it hard to find time for myself. It’s always me and my brother… or me and my parents… maybe the only times I DO get time for myself is when I watch TV. Exclude the fact that I have 2 others with me whenever I do.
…
I’m supposed to shut up about this but I just can’t help it. I felt disappointed when chie told me kate couldn’t come on Saturday. No, I’m not going to say bad things about those who disallowed her for not letting her go (cause it’s not me… and that would be rude and impolite cause they’ve been so nice to me ever since… except JP… JP’s mean cause he teases me a lot and makes rude statements that seem inappropriate at some point) but I just don’t understand why she’s not allowed. Her dad didn’t give a reason (I think) and I guess this was another episode of ‘i’ll tell you you’re not allowed at the last minute’. Yes, this has happened often enough. Of course, we’re getting sick of it, but what can we do?
Though life is complicated I can honestly say I like my life better than my best friend’s. She knows this fact, no need to worry. I’ve pointed this out to her millions of times already :D
…
Isn’t it obvious that I’m going through the stage of life called ‘with writer’s block’?
…
When I’m with you by Simple Plan – listening to this once again
…
FF tactics. Currently, I’m stuck on beating the dragon totema dude and I’m getting irritated that he keeps on winning… like, what the… I’m getting myself a walkthrough if I get sick of trying to beat him and his 3 enormous (not to mention powerful) guards.
Not just that, it’s annoying that the story turns out to be Mewt’s fantasy. I was like ‘O___O of all the people why him?!?’ I was expecting it was Marche’s brother, but nooooooo… Ritz seems like she’s enjoying Ivalice though… I bet Marche’s brother would turn out to be some big shot mage or something. I’m betting on it.
…
one day left till the con!!! Yeah!!!
…
Okay, confession : I think the currently running coke commercial is the BEST commercial the Coca Cola company has ever thought of. I know, I know… it’s quite strange but I’m actually drawn to the commercial. Maybe because it had a celestial being in it (which isn’t really common in commercials) or because it had an attractive girl and cute guy to act in it… wouldn’t know. I just thought the idea was fantastic. I just don’t get why the angel wanted to figure out who’s ‘aaaaahhh’ she heard belonged to. Then she drinks coke and meets a demon-turned-human hot looking dude. Ehehe. Can actually form a story based from that… hmm… :3
…
okay! Obviously I’m ranting to waste time. It’s just 9 and I’m not the least bit sleepy. Sleep doesn’t want to come to me now. I just know it. The sandman leaves me behind after he’s sprinkled dust on everyone else’s eyes in my house. How could he forget me? I’m obviously begging him to make me sleep a little earlier…. Even just 11. School’s about to start and I just can’t imagine myself going with eye bags!!! Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu… never! Never! Not in a million years will I turn up like that!!!
…
staring at my books… nothing else to do but fix them… again…
-shing
Yes, again with being bored. I’ve never felt so much boredom in my whole entire life! I was scourging the 2nd floor for missed books when suddenly I felt the urge to just look at the contents of every drawer, every cabinet and every shelf. Yup, even re-checking my school books for the 100th time.
I guess I was wondering where the past was. I was hoping that some piece of paper from my past would turn up. You know, the ones with my ugly handwriting and all that. Of course, I couldn’t help but get disappointed when none actually appeared. I must’ve threw it all out.
I never had a diary when I was young, honestly. I couldn’t care much to what happened the afternoon before or whatever. I just started writing when I read Anne Frank’s diary. Yes, call me a copy cat but I did. That was when I was 10. so what ever happened to the memories I had when I was 1-9?
I know, I’m rambling; it’s another product of boredom. I’ve pushed my brother out and even used the dim lights this time, just for the feel. To me, I find it hard to find time for myself. It’s always me and my brother… or me and my parents… maybe the only times I DO get time for myself is when I watch TV. Exclude the fact that I have 2 others with me whenever I do.
…
I’m supposed to shut up about this but I just can’t help it. I felt disappointed when chie told me kate couldn’t come on Saturday. No, I’m not going to say bad things about those who disallowed her for not letting her go (cause it’s not me… and that would be rude and impolite cause they’ve been so nice to me ever since… except JP… JP’s mean cause he teases me a lot and makes rude statements that seem inappropriate at some point) but I just don’t understand why she’s not allowed. Her dad didn’t give a reason (I think) and I guess this was another episode of ‘i’ll tell you you’re not allowed at the last minute’. Yes, this has happened often enough. Of course, we’re getting sick of it, but what can we do?
Though life is complicated I can honestly say I like my life better than my best friend’s. She knows this fact, no need to worry. I’ve pointed this out to her millions of times already :D
…
Isn’t it obvious that I’m going through the stage of life called ‘with writer’s block’?
…
When I’m with you by Simple Plan – listening to this once again
…
FF tactics. Currently, I’m stuck on beating the dragon totema dude and I’m getting irritated that he keeps on winning… like, what the… I’m getting myself a walkthrough if I get sick of trying to beat him and his 3 enormous (not to mention powerful) guards.
Not just that, it’s annoying that the story turns out to be Mewt’s fantasy. I was like ‘O___O of all the people why him?!?’ I was expecting it was Marche’s brother, but nooooooo… Ritz seems like she’s enjoying Ivalice though… I bet Marche’s brother would turn out to be some big shot mage or something. I’m betting on it.
…
one day left till the con!!! Yeah!!!
…
Okay, confession : I think the currently running coke commercial is the BEST commercial the Coca Cola company has ever thought of. I know, I know… it’s quite strange but I’m actually drawn to the commercial. Maybe because it had a celestial being in it (which isn’t really common in commercials) or because it had an attractive girl and cute guy to act in it… wouldn’t know. I just thought the idea was fantastic. I just don’t get why the angel wanted to figure out who’s ‘aaaaahhh’ she heard belonged to. Then she drinks coke and meets a demon-turned-human hot looking dude. Ehehe. Can actually form a story based from that… hmm… :3
…
okay! Obviously I’m ranting to waste time. It’s just 9 and I’m not the least bit sleepy. Sleep doesn’t want to come to me now. I just know it. The sandman leaves me behind after he’s sprinkled dust on everyone else’s eyes in my house. How could he forget me? I’m obviously begging him to make me sleep a little earlier…. Even just 11. School’s about to start and I just can’t imagine myself going with eye bags!!! Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu… never! Never! Not in a million years will I turn up like that!!!
…
staring at my books… nothing else to do but fix them… again…
-shing
Explaining myself… again
There are times when I just don’t feel like going out at all and there are times I want the exact opposite. For a few weeks now, I haven’t really stepped out of my house for God knows what reason and I haven’t updated almost anything. Sure, I go to mass every Sunday (thus going out) and I guess I did explore Trinoma last Sunday too, but that’s just it. Monday till Saturday I’m stuck bored shitless inside the house.
I once called chie during the night and told her my life was so boring. At the same time my brother was trying to poke me. Okay, so my butt’s all that sensitive and I actually feel ticklish there at some point so I was like running with the cordless around the room. Chie was like ‘so that’s the boring life huh?’ ‘yeah’ ‘wish I could live it…’ ‘be my guest chie! Live the boring life… like me!’
Well, maybe there’s a real reason why I don’t want to go out anymore. Ever heard of being stalked? Kate didn’t seem to agree with me when I related to her what happened but I kinda swear it wasn’t just the feeling of being watched. More like being taken pictures of or recorded on cam. Yeah, I’m paranoid, so what? Ever since the December thing (and now the fucked up car that parked right in front of my ma’s place) I’ve been paranoid. What do they want anyway? At the age of 16, it’s quite believable that I haven’t made enemies with powerful people and I’m not really doing anything bad. No, I don’t do drugs nor do I drink on a daily basis. And the hell with the option that those guys want me on some trade. I wear big clothes going out. There’s no way in hell they’ll get me.
Okay, forget it. When school time comes, I’ll have enough time to forget everything. Include that I’m basically a workaholic on my profile.
I remember a friend of mine saying that whenever we bumped into each other, I was always rushing. Yeah, I do agree. I’m always rushing. Rushing towards the classroom, the time limit, the end of the day. It has always been like that, I guess. Honestly, I want to rush school too. I want to finish already and I just want to live a life with a nice job, a nice house and a dog like Misty. The aim’s too big, I know, and most probably I’ll end up trying to make ends meet and die without even paying debts. Of course, I’ll try to change that future. I’m the only one who’s game enough to take it all on. My parents are actually convinced that I’ll get somewhere…
Somehow, it’s hard convincing myself that I will.
…
Yipee! The 31st is actually near! Woot! I can’t help but laugh and jump for joy. It’s like getting what I want after everything I’ve been through. It’s like getting chocolates for valentines when you’ve been totally hopeless about getting even one. Yes, I’m going to go splurging. Yes, I’ll enjoy myself (despite having a chaperone… my yaya’s nice, eventually). Yes, I’m going to go fan crazy and take lots of photos. Yes, I’ll try finishing house of the dead 4 (finally!). No, I won’t pay off the lost bet I have with chie and kate. Chie will most definitely get a burger though… if I remember :)
…
FF tactics. Call me crazy and old fashioned but tactics is just a gameboy advance game I’ve been crying for since yesterday night. My mom confiscated it cause I’ve been playing it since morning. No, it’s not hard to play but as the title implies, if you haven’t got good tactics, you’ll just basically fail every mission given. Yeah, I’ve lost several times but it’s amusing how I’ve learned how to play a battle, with the winning cards on my hand. The last time I played, Marche finally found Ritz and got disappointed since Ritz didn’t want to change the world she now lived in (ivalice). It must be cool to be able to defeat all kinds of monsters and other clans by the use of magic and swords.
I just felt stupid for not knowing how to pause the game.
…
What I’m about to say is a confession: I feel inferior to those who wear make up. Yeah, even my mother.
…
I haven’t thought about yaoi for a long time now, but I guess I miss it now when boredom struck me at the head. Yes, I miss yaoi. Or maybe I haven’t really lived my life ever since the school year ended two months ago. Yeah, I think so. I haven’t even watched one proper show over the summer. Just the same old boring stuff shown on tv… minus the cable.
-shing
I once called chie during the night and told her my life was so boring. At the same time my brother was trying to poke me. Okay, so my butt’s all that sensitive and I actually feel ticklish there at some point so I was like running with the cordless around the room. Chie was like ‘so that’s the boring life huh?’ ‘yeah’ ‘wish I could live it…’ ‘be my guest chie! Live the boring life… like me!’
Well, maybe there’s a real reason why I don’t want to go out anymore. Ever heard of being stalked? Kate didn’t seem to agree with me when I related to her what happened but I kinda swear it wasn’t just the feeling of being watched. More like being taken pictures of or recorded on cam. Yeah, I’m paranoid, so what? Ever since the December thing (and now the fucked up car that parked right in front of my ma’s place) I’ve been paranoid. What do they want anyway? At the age of 16, it’s quite believable that I haven’t made enemies with powerful people and I’m not really doing anything bad. No, I don’t do drugs nor do I drink on a daily basis. And the hell with the option that those guys want me on some trade. I wear big clothes going out. There’s no way in hell they’ll get me.
Okay, forget it. When school time comes, I’ll have enough time to forget everything. Include that I’m basically a workaholic on my profile.
I remember a friend of mine saying that whenever we bumped into each other, I was always rushing. Yeah, I do agree. I’m always rushing. Rushing towards the classroom, the time limit, the end of the day. It has always been like that, I guess. Honestly, I want to rush school too. I want to finish already and I just want to live a life with a nice job, a nice house and a dog like Misty. The aim’s too big, I know, and most probably I’ll end up trying to make ends meet and die without even paying debts. Of course, I’ll try to change that future. I’m the only one who’s game enough to take it all on. My parents are actually convinced that I’ll get somewhere…
Somehow, it’s hard convincing myself that I will.
…
Yipee! The 31st is actually near! Woot! I can’t help but laugh and jump for joy. It’s like getting what I want after everything I’ve been through. It’s like getting chocolates for valentines when you’ve been totally hopeless about getting even one. Yes, I’m going to go splurging. Yes, I’ll enjoy myself (despite having a chaperone… my yaya’s nice, eventually). Yes, I’m going to go fan crazy and take lots of photos. Yes, I’ll try finishing house of the dead 4 (finally!). No, I won’t pay off the lost bet I have with chie and kate. Chie will most definitely get a burger though… if I remember :)
…
FF tactics. Call me crazy and old fashioned but tactics is just a gameboy advance game I’ve been crying for since yesterday night. My mom confiscated it cause I’ve been playing it since morning. No, it’s not hard to play but as the title implies, if you haven’t got good tactics, you’ll just basically fail every mission given. Yeah, I’ve lost several times but it’s amusing how I’ve learned how to play a battle, with the winning cards on my hand. The last time I played, Marche finally found Ritz and got disappointed since Ritz didn’t want to change the world she now lived in (ivalice). It must be cool to be able to defeat all kinds of monsters and other clans by the use of magic and swords.
I just felt stupid for not knowing how to pause the game.
…
What I’m about to say is a confession: I feel inferior to those who wear make up. Yeah, even my mother.
…
I haven’t thought about yaoi for a long time now, but I guess I miss it now when boredom struck me at the head. Yes, I miss yaoi. Or maybe I haven’t really lived my life ever since the school year ended two months ago. Yeah, I think so. I haven’t even watched one proper show over the summer. Just the same old boring stuff shown on tv… minus the cable.
-shing
Picking up where I left off
Days seem colder and the hours just pass me by right now. Well, that’s what I think. It’s like I’m living a movie: everyday, I just repeat the same things every hour, every time. All without fail. Scratch the talk about changing myself: it’s not happening anytime soon. Well, at least I’m trying to start things again.
For example, writing forsaken. A few more days till school starts and I finally found my old manuscripts. Yes, people, I stopped re-writing it cause I LOST the only copy I had. Gomen, kate. I know I didn’t tell you that but I found it now :D I’ll be up and working in a while… and editing it bit by bit too. Can I say once more that my writing sucks? Ahahahaha. I even wonder why I’m writing for a name… I’ve been reading past works again (all unfinished and finished ones) and I try not to laugh at them because I wrote them… the irony they make me feel is unexplainable. *sigh*
Markus Zusak, author of ‘the book thief’ and ‘I am the messenger’, is now officially my favorite author. No questions. No doubts. He’s just simply amazing! Especially with the second book I mentioned: it ‘s all tied up nicely and just lol-material. I like how he made Ed Kennedy’s character: not an ounce of the super natural or special chosen shit. Just a plain 19 year old cab driver who’s got no future… well, until he gets those cards. Oh yeah… I just love the card idea! I’m actually reading it again. I’ll buy my own copy of the book thief another day… and a german dictionary to go with it.
Hmm… about books, I’ve finished reading my English book for this year. The title : echoes. It’s the thinnest textbook I’ve got! Seriously~ well, exclude the extra chemistry book I bought. The literary pieces in it are, to sum it all up, are those of famous works by great writers (to name a few: Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Edgar Allan Poe… still remember his poem ‘Annabel Lee’ people?). the only think I dislike about the book is it’s text layout. Other than that, content gets an A. but who the hell am I to rate textbooks anyway? Hahahahaha~
I found an old book I used to love when I was still a kid. ‘Shimmeree’ by Stephen Cosgrove. Yes, it’s an odd book for kids that you’d find inside the likes of stores like Book Sale, but it has a nice story to it, though second hand (when my mom bought it). Flip a few more pages and at the end is a short story I actually wrote when I was in kinder. The title : ‘the lovely red rose of the castle’. So fine, I didn’t start writing like a pro, okay? Reading it further (through the blue crayon scrawled all over my chicken scratches) I found myself laughing at typos (or did I just spell destroy as ‘thistroy’?) and grammatical errors everywhere. I’m not going to call it a disgrace though. It’s a memory :D so here I am, re writing it (word per word, wrong grammar per wrong grammar) just for laughs…
…
The lovely red rose of the castle
Once upon a time there was a big red lovely rose beside the castle
One day someone is gowing to thistroy it so the princes heard that her dear lovely plant will be destroy so the next morning she have a glass so that the plant will not be destroy it was a hard glass so she cover the plant so that the plant will not be destroy so the princes live with the plant and they live hapily ever after.
(insert hearts and stars of assorted sizes)
love Elisha
for everyone
…
not bad for a kindergarten kid right? Okay fine, laugh your asses at it but at least I can say I’ve improved a lot! Yeah!
Hmmm… might just effing revise it… hmmm… twist here, twist there… yeah. Definitely changing it but that title will remain :D
(dancing to the beat of groovin’ magic by round table)
well, another night to go then, waiting for something that’ll never come… cheers!
-shing
For example, writing forsaken. A few more days till school starts and I finally found my old manuscripts. Yes, people, I stopped re-writing it cause I LOST the only copy I had. Gomen, kate. I know I didn’t tell you that but I found it now :D I’ll be up and working in a while… and editing it bit by bit too. Can I say once more that my writing sucks? Ahahahaha. I even wonder why I’m writing for a name… I’ve been reading past works again (all unfinished and finished ones) and I try not to laugh at them because I wrote them… the irony they make me feel is unexplainable. *sigh*
Markus Zusak, author of ‘the book thief’ and ‘I am the messenger’, is now officially my favorite author. No questions. No doubts. He’s just simply amazing! Especially with the second book I mentioned: it ‘s all tied up nicely and just lol-material. I like how he made Ed Kennedy’s character: not an ounce of the super natural or special chosen shit. Just a plain 19 year old cab driver who’s got no future… well, until he gets those cards. Oh yeah… I just love the card idea! I’m actually reading it again. I’ll buy my own copy of the book thief another day… and a german dictionary to go with it.
Hmm… about books, I’ve finished reading my English book for this year. The title : echoes. It’s the thinnest textbook I’ve got! Seriously~ well, exclude the extra chemistry book I bought. The literary pieces in it are, to sum it all up, are those of famous works by great writers (to name a few: Shakespeare, Robert Frost, Edgar Allan Poe… still remember his poem ‘Annabel Lee’ people?). the only think I dislike about the book is it’s text layout. Other than that, content gets an A. but who the hell am I to rate textbooks anyway? Hahahahaha~
I found an old book I used to love when I was still a kid. ‘Shimmeree’ by Stephen Cosgrove. Yes, it’s an odd book for kids that you’d find inside the likes of stores like Book Sale, but it has a nice story to it, though second hand (when my mom bought it). Flip a few more pages and at the end is a short story I actually wrote when I was in kinder. The title : ‘the lovely red rose of the castle’. So fine, I didn’t start writing like a pro, okay? Reading it further (through the blue crayon scrawled all over my chicken scratches) I found myself laughing at typos (or did I just spell destroy as ‘thistroy’?) and grammatical errors everywhere. I’m not going to call it a disgrace though. It’s a memory :D so here I am, re writing it (word per word, wrong grammar per wrong grammar) just for laughs…
…
The lovely red rose of the castle
Once upon a time there was a big red lovely rose beside the castle
One day someone is gowing to thistroy it so the princes heard that her dear lovely plant will be destroy so the next morning she have a glass so that the plant will not be destroy it was a hard glass so she cover the plant so that the plant will not be destroy so the princes live with the plant and they live hapily ever after.
(insert hearts and stars of assorted sizes)
love Elisha
for everyone
…
not bad for a kindergarten kid right? Okay fine, laugh your asses at it but at least I can say I’ve improved a lot! Yeah!
Hmmm… might just effing revise it… hmmm… twist here, twist there… yeah. Definitely changing it but that title will remain :D
(dancing to the beat of groovin’ magic by round table)
well, another night to go then, waiting for something that’ll never come… cheers!
-shing
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