new line thingy

hahahahaha... life is great, considering all the things that happened this week. i mean... isn't it a blessing that we didn't have 2 days of classes then we still get the 3rd place in the song fest, and to top it all off we only practiced everything like... 30 minutes before the actual thing?

i'm really amazed what my class could do. ahahaha.

but yeah, they're all pissed of at CL cause our teacher got mad. real mad. i mean, uh... with the smoke and the horns mad. i didn't know she could be THAT scary!!! i always thgought she was a sweet tempered woman...

but lo and behold! she announced are grades and... i wasn't expecting to get a line of 9... along with me are shaniqua, pat and nicole... hmm... 4 compared to other rooms... bad...

ahaha, but enough of that! i we've got intenret now! wahahahahaha! and a LINE too!!! woohoo! the happiness...

-shing

some lines made up

"i don't belong in a social class or group. i don't belong in any barkada. i don't belong in any administration or whatever elite rule making circle. i don't belong anywhere... well, i think i don't belong anywhere if i won't belong to you"

"after thinking momentarily about it, i think it's best if i DONT use the words that were said long ago. please, i beg you, make me different from those you've met cause i AM different"

-shing

asking for things not there

we didn't have classes today, so here i am, in front of the computer, being the lazy bitch i really am. actually, i hybernated from 10:00 am until 3:00 pm under the warm fabric of my comforter. yes, i own one, but the one i own is the really really old and patched one. don't get me wrong, i love that comforter. i mean, i had it since i was a kid, brand new and all, and until now, with the frayed ends, torn seems and patched parts, i still use it. it's warm eh. XD

i woke up 3:00 am this morning to finish my journ thing. i mean, yes, i didn't have time last night because i was sick... hello! my left eye turned puffy!!! PUFFY!!! i thought i wouldn't go to school in shame... at least we didn't have classes, so just a while ago it successfully de-puffed back to its' normal size. ehehehehe. no one saw that.

i'm looking at old short stories again. we need it for another round of sparklit. this time, i would pick a really interesting short story so people wouldn't sleep on me... and at least give me a grade if perfect 20! ha! that, at least, i could hope for. it's like, if i fail in english, it would be my life's end.

"..."

so drama over a subject i really don't like. ahahaha. at least we're out of the poems stage. we're back with creative non-fiction i guess. i love creative non-fiction, just because. oh and yeah, remind me of ms.pat... my everlasting love to my first GIFT teacher who is now in... london? yes, i think she's in london, being the big shot she is. ehehehe. go ms. pat! FOCUS! lol

i'm at least trying to like my new teachers. am enjoying sir (manong) ryan very much. he's funny when he starts teaching, plus i stay near the front so i get to see teh laptop with all its wonders... yes, i sit at the front every GIFT class just because i want to and shganiqua and pat is with me. love them for sticking with me all the time.

now that i think of it, me, shaniqua and pat seem close now, now that we're like, sitting close to each other in classes and in the same room. ehehe... even before we pass our works, we know already what each of us made. and yes, pat and i cram. 'marathon' as we call it. would love to do it again if there's a need to cram.

i'm very very happy that i've started on my asian his. project. i KNOW it's a bit too early, and i KNOW it's a bit boring, since there are no pictures to put in it whatsoever (except for teh kitty... kitty!!!) but yeah, at least my report makes sense and yeah... alexander the great... *winks* yaoi love...!!!

i haven't had a failing mark in my exams YET. so okay, they're not done distributing it yet, but i have to say, i've really put an effort in math. hell, i'm on the top 15 that passed! ... well, 15 of us only passed therefore giving me a spot on the top 15 in the math exam. woot! am proud...

but i know i'll fail asian his. just a bit suspensed here cause ms.galvan hasn't given it yet.

dream: one day, i shall go to china... and japan

ahaha... pat just put me up to making palancas. damn, i'm too soft on people...

palanca ko ha?

-shing

writing for the sake of writing

since i didn't have any money to waste for an internet card, i haven't written anything worthwhile these past few weeks i haven't been online. yeah, i'm poor... so what?

plus the fact that... my new PC can't fully make a new connection... had to dig up my old PC just for that. damn. hate life at times but, what can i do? ahahahaha

plus, GMA decided to give a holiday on OUR exam day... how kewl *note the sarcasm* could that be?

i'm a bit tired, and tomorrow... tomorrow would be hell day for me cause i'd be doing projects to top it all off...

last thought mantra: BABOY LOVE

-shing

saturday thoughts...

pretty amusing how things work out in their own way. - me

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh... soirees.... i have to admit, i don't really care much about them, especially when it's all about being posh and proper. i just learned from a guy (space) friend that interactions are LEGAL and some soirees are ILLEGAL. don't know if ours is legal or not, but i don't pretty much care cause yeah... i'm not into guys that much... well, make one an exception to the whole guy list :P

but yeah, i think i'll go to the thing angela's arranging... 2-B ata ng... la salle? tama ba? i really don't know. it's not yet official, but i asked my mom already and she told me that yes, i could go, WITH my PA (personal assistant... yes, i love you ate jo! you're the best!), and i could stay for 2 hours and yadda yadda yadda. i want to go for angela's sake cause... the hell, she begged me. ahahahahahaha. so sure, i'll try my best to do things and be there...

hmm... curios rin ako kung anu ginagawa dun eh. if it's games that are super... landi they're goin to play... dun na ako aalis... i'll just be there for the food ahahahaha

yeah, i've got this super sized eye bags below my eyes... sucks to find them there but, what can i do? i'm really in shit right now, cramming all for the better of my grades... i think it's all worth it naman eh.

as long as i get good grades, so much the better! ahahahahahah (wishing here)

anyway,still gotta go to my bro's therapy... honestly, akala ko salba na ako from going there...

-shing

making sense out of things...

school wasn't that bad today, though i was rather a bit dissapointed cause sir. velarde didn't show up for the usual journ classes he should be handling with us. oh cmon! the guy was NOWHERE on campus!!! T.T then they made us read pages 6-32 of the free book he did... i like journ better when taught, not read... sucked...

but yeah, that didn't ruin my day anyway. music went fine, and was really really proud. under the comments part: 'good lyrics' ahaha.. i know i just revised a freakin poem, but yeah! i changed some words, edited it, fitted things, made it realistic, made them all fit and work together! ahahahahaha! am so proud~ and yes, i am so starting to like our song better... now it's the start of the countdown! 7 more days till we present it... hmm... better start doing those actions part...

and yes... i never dreamed of becoming japanese... all i want is to see cherry blossoms, and not to be one! and now that i know the japanese parasol dance, i NEVER want to DANCE that EFFING, GRUELLING dance ever again. i mean, why don't you try and spend 2 hours, shuffling your feet, twirling parasols, kneeling on hard, fake grass, sweating, and of course, getting tired! ... *gasp* i needed water!

but yeah... life's good... gotta do some HW and continue unfinished projects... i hope to finish them by wednesday already... haha.. so much for hoping and wishing but yeah... see what i mean?

todays quote: try not to doubt. try to BELIEVE - kate

-shing

daydreaming

yes, for the whole time i've been online, all that i was occupied in researching about was south korea. i mean.. hello... this brochure is taking up my internet time!!! not to mention i had to practically beg my mom to at least buy me an internet card again so that i could research AGAIN. ahh... sux to be a student. well, at least i know when, after all of this crap that i ain't gonna use in the real world, living as an adult is much harder than writing effing write ups so yeah... i guess i'd better enjoy life while i'm still here and in school...

actually, all i wanna do is live up my dreams in college. i'm not going to do anything right now. maybe just follow rules and do my homework like the good little girl i am but that's that. a teacher once said that it's amazing how things end up, when you graduate. it's like, those who were lazy bums in highschool suddenly became like a superstar in a different field in college. it would be kewl if that ever happened to me.

i do have the chance, you know.

so, the motto for a few days would be : BE ORIGINAL. yes, me and chie are painstakingly making our brochures with our own words and drawings; hers in computer form, mine in the traditional way. i mean, it's not my fault for not having a printer, right? i depend on other people to print stuff for me anyway. ahahahaha. nah, am not using them. i usually take favors AFTER they print my report or whatever. lol

and yeah, this is the ever first sunday that i actually felt... complete. i mean, my mom didn't bring my brother along this time, after having a major fight which included tears and traumas. (mom felt guilty afterwards). got to eat shawarma from the usual place, walked back home, drank C2 to wash it all down, HW all done except math, advanced read on something, and now typing this. i just feel totally complete knowing that most of the things i have to do and always wanted to do are done and in the past...

good luck to my mistakes though.

ahahaha. i just hope tomorrow, my groupmates would bring out their poems... i just wish they wouldn't have forgotten them. i mean, i made post -it thingies and wrote legibly on it! i wouldn't do that just for anyone, ya know.

...

just suddenly looked around and i must admit... my workplace has suddenly turned into crap in just three days. maaaaaaaannn... and here i was, saying i was OC about my stuff... hahahahaha.. gotta use that duffel bag my grandmother bought for me... it's huge, and i can fit both bio and algeb books in it! how cool is that? except that it hurts on the shoulders when you walk with it, but who cares? as long as the books stay inside and i can't see them, i won't have the urge to throw them unexpectedly! lol.

speaking of books, i haven't had one for AGES. i want to have a new book, but i know my mom can't buy me one now cause we're low on money. sometimes i regret having piano classes cause it's because of that that i can't buy the things i want the most now... like new clothes or new books...

even the pens... gaaaaaahhhh... staedler (?) pens... want them...

but they're fucking expensive, so i'll get them out of my list first. i need books, not pens. books, not pens. books not pens. (mantra)

was in church again today, and i kinda remember ian again. i mean, someday, i have to at least get real and forget about him. i didn't even HAVE the chance to say that i liked him... c'mon lisha... stupid for wanting to see a guy who's good as dead.

and yeah, really stooooooopid for wanting a guy, who's doubting you, who had a girlfriend who's way better than you. yes, i just saw something that made me remember. and yes, i started to compare. the hell... i mean, maybe ichie's right... maybe 'panakip butas' lang ang tingin niya sakin. cause, cmon... get real. after having such a great, pretty, talented, sweet, charming, kind girlfriend, you're switching back to me? and just like that?

'...'

sometimes, i just really don't know what to think. sometimes i think everything's fine, that all's right, and sometimes i hate you. hate you so much to hell. sometimes i love you. there's a lot of 'somtimes' this and that shit. and they all lead into different directions.

but how come i can't admit it? why can't i say 'oh hey, i'm really confused right now so yeah, stay away away from me first so i could think. come back another day'...

okay, that's just crap. shitty crap. gaaaaaaaaahhh... hormones... maybe these are PMS-thoughts... hmm... maybe...

oh oh oh oh oh. come to think of it, these were the EXACT SAME thoughts i had some time a year ago... lol. hahaha... maybe i just have to rely on my answers before: that i shouldn't start douobting, that i should just be myself, that i shouldn't hide, that i shouldn't get mad. yeah... thinking... more thoughts...

lol, my thoughts are like my messed up stuff!!!

-shing

just being me

today, i woke up extra early just so i could go to those chuva math classes my teacher has. it's a wonder how mt math teacher could survive looking at us for about 6 times a week, teaching us effing hard algebra without twitching and getting mad. she's been my teacher since first year, so i'm lucky to have her teach me again. i like the way she does things, and the exercises she gives all of us, well... some are hard, and some are like easy enough. whether or not it's hard or not, it still trains me in an area my mind is slow at. MATH will always be a hard subject for me. ehehehe

piano went smoothly too. i mean, i actually did it! i can't believe it... i did a fast scale without stopping. muahahahahaha. it's a start, really. after that, back to the consultation room, and abby was kind enough to give me a ride home. ehehehe.

maybe i really should start thinking about the POSITIVE sides of people. mostly, i find some people damn annoying, but then, i don't know them personally as well. maybe they're acting like that JUST because. think i should change my views? maybe.

i went to cubao just a little while ago, alone, and bought school materials and project materials the like. it actually got me thinking: why am i alone? i mean, long before, i wasn't used to this kind of lifestyle; i'd always have someone tailing after me, holding my stuff, doing the math when it came to jeepney fares and all that. but now? i do everything. and all i could say is i feel a bit sad. life is so... boring without someone. plus the fact that all the people i passed had someone with them: friends, lovers, family... even saw a gay couple. ahahahaha.

reread teh blog again, and yeah... i'm really not sure myself. i mean, i have my doubts, i have my own little nagging thoughts. but i know FOR SURE that i still love him. sure, it's laced with hate, but still love nonetheless. i stil have the habit to write words related to him on my hand or somewhere in my notes... well, mostly on Bio :P but yeah... maybe it really would be best if things just went the way they were. i'd just decide when the time comes.

but right now, i'd have to focus all my 'will power' and 'brain power' on studies. they're being a bitch again, and i can't help but cram as well. :P ahahahahahahaha. back to writing and coloring, i guess.

-lisha

this week's post...

TGIF... years after this accronym was created, i just realized now what it means.. stupid, but i know... i KNEW i was always late for these kinds of things. so to add to the list, TGIF means Thank God It's Friday and mediocre will still mean 'common' for me. like it did since the 5th grade.

yes, i have finally tried to erase all of my fears and took the effing Pauliworld exam. for those who DONT know what Pauliworld is, it's our school's official paper. nuff said about it. so yeah, me, pat, shaniqua and val took the effing test last thursday, and until now, we're crossing our fingers for luck. to be in it would be soooooo cool!!!

this week, i have finally decided that i'd be a writer when i grow up. cause all i wanna do now is write. edit. write. maybe draw a little, but everything i draw actually has another meaning, so yeah... or beat that kid in her own game. hahahaha, am just so sorry i know how to draw, girl.

the little prince fish is something i've been squeeling about on and on and on snce the day it was given as a HW... which was yesterday! ahahahaha. i now, the twist in it was a bit far fetched, but how the hell does a mermaid fit in today's life? i'll tell you, no one believes in it right now. no use fighting about that. so i'm making the setting back when it was still a bit believable. around... victorian time :P or until the time of rulers. ahahahaha

tomorrow, once again, i'd be facing teh piano, and guess what? ha, we'll be starting in the duet thing... awww man... i'd hate to not get it right... and for my sake as well.

all in all, this week wasn't THAT much pressing... or 'harrying' as me and pat have dubbed it. (hinaharry) ahahahaha. the highway man by alfred noyes rox... yeah it does!

and yes, i hope i never have to lose my voice again. it's really irritating that i can't tell anyone what i want to say. at least kate and chie understands my moves. but that's it. it's only them that i could talk 'mute' ahahaha.

and yes, i hate guys. well, guys who are selfish and totally pigheads.

at least kuya ain't one of them :P... well, i wouldn't love a pighead, so if he WAS one, i wouldn't love him. :P

(this heart, it beats, beats only for you)

ahahaha... my heart by paramore... it got mentioned yesterday as well, so yeah, i started listening to it again. took out the i-pod from it's case and yadda yadda yadda.

cause i'm happy... and GAY!!! (no, not in the terms of being bisexual)

-shing

the other bus

for the past few days, i've been brought home via the other bus. the bus where... honestly, i don't like the vibes. but i know one thing's sure: the people there absolutely despise who i am. I am optimistic, this i know from others. but they detest optimism. as if they think lives could go on with the same boring routine, the routine that consisted of staring into space without words or smiles, without laughter or ideas. no nothing. i could say that being in there is actually killing me.

and i don't like it.

to be scandalous

today, we went to the heritage center to well, be drilled senseless about the facts of our wonderful school. truthfully, even if history bores me, i got a bit excitement in looking at old stuff that was TRULY fascinating. hahahahaha i loved the printer.... it didn't even need electricity to work! all you needed to do was turn this handle on the side and voila! printing express! hahahahaha. love it

the hollogram, as what the other classrooms told us, wasn't that much of an excitement. i actually got bored watching it talk about... things i couldn't really understand. and since i was infront, i saw the trick they were playing with. ha! you can't fool someone like me! wahahahahahaha.

the artifacts given from all around the world were really amusing too :D the one i love most was from... england? lol. it was just a set of small spoons and forks in one small box. looked totally cute. and i even bet it was from pure gold. goooooooooooooooooooooooold... sparkly gold....

the garden treck was kewl too! we took a lot of pictures, making lots of memories, and shouting at each other to take pics from afar. i borrowed shaniqua's cam a lot. i didn't bring one of my own. ehehe.. poor me, yes... a photographer and a lover of nature art caught in a middle of beauty without a cam. a shame...

at least shaniqua's cam is such a great life saver. hahahaha. she said she'd send those pics to me... can't wait.

i really like the pic with the ripe melon (?) in the midst of flowers. we made it a game to get people to see the melon (?) in it. wahahaha. of course, after taking their picture lol.

cam crazy, as my classmates have dubbed it. we even took a lot of pics in the classroom after! wahahahaha.

but before we got there, we had a little car problem. actually, i knew it was coming. i was still in my cam crazy mode when the truck that bumped into us went speeding by. i didn't take notice of it until i saw it when i got out of the bus to testify. yes, i may be silent sometimes, but i like debating. especially if i know that the driver's all wrong. he was fucking denying it!!! he was actually denying that her overtook us! whatever...

of course, back inside the bus, shaniqua told me she'd never seen our class so united until then. everyone was so happy, shouting, being hyper and repeating all over again 'happy birthday panag and mikole!!!'

i swear, we're a cool class. we just haven't seen each other's strengths yet. wait until the songfest maybe... we'd have to work together by then as a whole. lol

now, i'm actually saying i like our class, no matter how noisy we could get. we get along just fine and right now, i just found out that most of the people i didn't know were gamers, were hyper as well, and mikole and vega made it worthwhile to take a lot of photos... because their faces were sooooooooooooo funny.

and zaffy's laugh is so addicting.

and claire could be the next aircon model.

and i could be a photographer.

and shaniqua would be my assistant!

hahahahahahaha.

oh, and did i mention i didn't have a letter for my i-pod? wahahahahaha

-shing

the things in life...

for now, school's been lying low lately. we don't have that much HW in our hands, and now i still have time to catch up with a few things like checking my e-mail, chatting, going to long lost forgotten sites... those kinds of things. i really miss the feel of it. lol

a little while ago, sir. velarde said something about going to the production thing of the inquirer. i've always been a fan of theirs, well, since i started reading the comics page of the lifestyle section, and until now i like it. now we're supposed to go on friday, but yesss.... my schedulae has to take that privelage away with it... i mean, hello. i just can't give up on a subject only once a week to be met... a double period at that! i'm torn on what to do... hell, i can't even think of anything to do right now except try and forget about the hope in me that i'd be seeing one of the country's most top newspaper companies... it sucks to know you've come this far yet you can't lift your finger to touch it.

anyway, moving on, things are a bit stale as well. a load of things are happening between us all. faye's not eating well, kate's being a bitch, ichie's being so hyper... and me? i'm beiong hyper as well. or maybe it's the mask i'm wearing that's hyper.

i can't see the difference in it.

i've finally learned to accept that if i lose all my files that are stored in the other PC, i'd have to live with it. those were all my hard worked files btw, so maybe i'd have to cry a lot, but then there's no turning back. i think i won't have anything anymore by the time the PC's been rebooted and all. it sucks... a lot...

but starting from scratch can be good too XD

i've read sopmewhere that a writer writes the idea, lets it rest for a long time, picks it up again and edits them. i know i won't have anything to pick up anymore, but those materials were written from my heart. i KNOW i'll be able to write them. of course, in a much more better way and in a more suitable manner than what i've used before.

i'm trying not to lose my temper with my bro again. i mean, it gets hard when he's being so irritating and you're hungry and tired. there's something about that that actually makes you snap deep inside and all you can do is scream your head off at the nearest person beside you. it's a habit i have to stop, but then bad habits DO die hard. the hell with it.

there's something bothering me though... i just cab't seem to find any meaning to what's happening around me right now. it's like i feel empty even though there are a lot of things out there that's just TRYING to fill this gaping hole up. BUT to no avail. oh well.

sir john was reported to be seen in school a few days ago. hmm... i wonder if it were true... man... if it were, i would've knocked and asked him forsaken then... lol

-shing

the fight for our lives

this week went a little bit well. had our student orientation and all that, got GIFT course right, developed a huge amount of fear towards sir. velarde cause he suddenly put the mic infront of my face and asked a question... that was really scary!!! gawd...
we finally got that piano lessons with teacher rita done. i mean, for the whole week, we went back and forth from the Cultural Arts Blg. and our building to get:

a. our schedule

b. a pink slip

c. teacher

d. pep talk with ms. arlene

and a lot more other things like sunburn and a new 'secret' place. yes, our old 'secret' place (which a lot of people pass everyday) is now forgotten since it's in the gradeschool area (how i miss those days) and until the present, we can't seem to find a secluded area... (get your mind out of the gutter!!!) so i guess the entrance of the cultural will do just fine for now.
plus if it's windy, it's a lot cool to hang out there than any other place.

as for school work, i guess i'm slowly adjusting as to how my teachers give their assignments. thank god for today, i don't have much. just a few to study and i could start on my Asian His. Projects, work on the few stories i've left to rot and do the extra credit in english.

contrary to what i've said before, i'm starting to like school, now that i KNOW what to expect. especially journalism. oh yeah, even if i have a sir.eric-sir.john reincarnation dude for a teacher, i wouldn't pretty much care. research on unknown books are starting to become my forte XD

there isn't much to say about a love life. actually, i don't think i DO have one anymore. it's like i got over it. I guess bea was correct when she said i just had to let it be to forget.

this actually calls for a celebration!!! hahahahaha

i'm actually proud of myself for once cause i did all that math, crammed it in one night, and answered all the questions by myself. i didn't even need to look at somebody's else's paper for that! lol

my hair's turning wavy again, in a good way though. so long as it doesn't look PUFFY like what chie calls COTTON CANDY *grin* i'm fine. i actually like my bangs right now. they're so fucking straight ehehehehehehe.

i've never heard sanctuary by callalily before, but reading the lyrics and asking like a dozen of people in school, i am positive that it's a freakin' emo love song. okay, so why is that song for me again, kenji?

i have to wake up early tomorrow morning to find my way to school. this time, i won't be using a taxi to get there. oh dear no. I'll be suing the super affordable public transpo which includes the jeep, MRT and walking for free. all this just to play the piano? lord, what have you turned me into?

-shing

an introduction to sophomore year....

to add to the fact that i had my haircut almost recently, i can say that sophomore year IS one hell of a year... just like my hair XD

i've gone by the first 3 days of school in a flash, having a bit problems with my sleeping habits, cause biology IS taking my time to understand... plus a few more friend problems to boot. i know i shouldn't be complainig, cause i'm in the mercy of my parent's money, and i know i have to make the best out of this year, since i promised i'll show them all. maybe with loads of hard work, i'll survive this nightmare and get that test! ha!

me and kate are the loners of the group right now, being the main building's babies... i mean, we don't belong there!!! all of our friends are on the other side!!! how could the teachers be so cruel?

moreover, my classmates are not really that hateable... but.. yeah, the point is that their kind makes fun of MY kind... oh cruel cruel life... at least i have a few people i know on my side. they make life at least bearable...

the teachers i have right now are i dunno... they seem nice... they call me for recitation and i think i have a good reputation to them, well except my math teacher, which is still ms. jandusay.

all it think i have to work on right now is my voice... when i recite,i get all scaredall over and my voice suddenly goes down into an unheard one. shit.

now that i think of it, i still have my socalled distractions... but they're not much pain right now than last year... know what? i think what happened this summer was to my advantage after all XD

so okay, another week passed. i hope i'll live.

-shing

lost in confusion

'love is a very confusing thing...'

this is what a friend told me when i asked her to describe it for my interview. i guess she's right with that, considering that i'm totally confused right now, not to mention worried sick and stressed. is this how it feels then?
the way i wake up at night, the way some stray tears find it's way to my cheeks, the way my chest hurts while i hug my pillow closer... it's an unbearable pain i have to live with every night, when the clock ticks and ticks to count the seconds that have passed in misery.
i want it to end. i want the world to come falling on me already, just to make me realize that the magic's gone. that my dream's finally over and that i have to painstakingly make my way into the life of the living again; the life of sorrow.
somehow, words didn't fit to explain where i am now. i've tried explaining, but i just can't. i think my friend, bea, whom i've jut talked to thinks i'm a total idiot who runs around and around in circles and never finished a sentence. i DID try to tell her, but i don't think she just got it.
lilin_711: are you sure? or you think you're not worth it for him
shing: i still like... maybe possibly love him. but then...
shing: it's like i feel too guilty
shing: too tainted
shing: too low for him
lilin_711: it also maybe infatuation
shing: no, it's not
shing: i know it isn't
lilin_711: you really do like him don't ya?
shing: yeah i do
shing: ate nix made me promise not to close my heart on him
shing: should i keep my promise?
lilin_711: yeah..
lilin_711: what do you think is right?
shing: what i think is right
shing: is to let him heal by himself. i don't want to help him
shing: if ate nix's words are true
shing: that he still loves me, even just a tiny part
shing: then he'll come back for me
shing: right?
shing: so maybe i'll wait
shing: wait until he realizes it
lilin_711: yup
lilin_711: haha..
lilin_711: hope
lilin_711: but do know hoping means you're not sure
shing: yeah
that's probably the only solution i can think of right now. lost in confusion, lost in my own thoughts.

-lisha

rainy days

for the whole day, i've been waiting for it to rain. no, i'm not going out like some lunatic and dance under a thundering dark sky like some kids here in my place do. no, i don't do that anymore. i just want it to rain cause just looking at it through my window here makes me feel calm. i know a lot of people who do that as well. we're all the same i guess; trying to forget a memory.

the rain also signifies the approaching school days. those gloomy school days spent walking under umbrellas for the first few days. for that alone, i was forced to buy an umbrella. actatually, it's a bit cool too, cause one push of the button, the umbrella automatically springs up and tadah! no need to push the stick. another press of the button and it goes back to it's original folded state. all you really have to do is roll it and put it back to it's small plastic case. i just hope no one steals it like the last time.

last night, i couldn't really get any sleep at all. i kept on tossing and turning, throwing the blanket on the wall, and probably waking up my cousin in the process. maybe it's stress. maybe it's thoughts. maybe it's the nagging feelings i have hidden deep inside that suddenly came back to life just to haunt me. or probably all three. i just hope i'll get some sleep tonight, since i'm tired and i badly need it.

there are some matters i KNOW i have to settle soon:

1. my stolen mp3
2. some debt
3. my brother
4. my mother
5. left over forsaken stuff
6. and my love life.

they're all mixed up somehow up in my mind, and i know school work would soon be added into the list. hopefully everyhing goes well with life.

-lisha