saturday thoughts...

pretty amusing how things work out in their own way. - me

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh... soirees.... i have to admit, i don't really care much about them, especially when it's all about being posh and proper. i just learned from a guy (space) friend that interactions are LEGAL and some soirees are ILLEGAL. don't know if ours is legal or not, but i don't pretty much care cause yeah... i'm not into guys that much... well, make one an exception to the whole guy list :P

but yeah, i think i'll go to the thing angela's arranging... 2-B ata ng... la salle? tama ba? i really don't know. it's not yet official, but i asked my mom already and she told me that yes, i could go, WITH my PA (personal assistant... yes, i love you ate jo! you're the best!), and i could stay for 2 hours and yadda yadda yadda. i want to go for angela's sake cause... the hell, she begged me. ahahahahahaha. so sure, i'll try my best to do things and be there...

hmm... curios rin ako kung anu ginagawa dun eh. if it's games that are super... landi they're goin to play... dun na ako aalis... i'll just be there for the food ahahahaha

yeah, i've got this super sized eye bags below my eyes... sucks to find them there but, what can i do? i'm really in shit right now, cramming all for the better of my grades... i think it's all worth it naman eh.

as long as i get good grades, so much the better! ahahahahahah (wishing here)

anyway,still gotta go to my bro's therapy... honestly, akala ko salba na ako from going there...

-shing

making sense out of things...

school wasn't that bad today, though i was rather a bit dissapointed cause sir. velarde didn't show up for the usual journ classes he should be handling with us. oh cmon! the guy was NOWHERE on campus!!! T.T then they made us read pages 6-32 of the free book he did... i like journ better when taught, not read... sucked...

but yeah, that didn't ruin my day anyway. music went fine, and was really really proud. under the comments part: 'good lyrics' ahaha.. i know i just revised a freakin poem, but yeah! i changed some words, edited it, fitted things, made it realistic, made them all fit and work together! ahahahahaha! am so proud~ and yes, i am so starting to like our song better... now it's the start of the countdown! 7 more days till we present it... hmm... better start doing those actions part...

and yes... i never dreamed of becoming japanese... all i want is to see cherry blossoms, and not to be one! and now that i know the japanese parasol dance, i NEVER want to DANCE that EFFING, GRUELLING dance ever again. i mean, why don't you try and spend 2 hours, shuffling your feet, twirling parasols, kneeling on hard, fake grass, sweating, and of course, getting tired! ... *gasp* i needed water!

but yeah... life's good... gotta do some HW and continue unfinished projects... i hope to finish them by wednesday already... haha.. so much for hoping and wishing but yeah... see what i mean?

todays quote: try not to doubt. try to BELIEVE - kate

-shing

daydreaming

yes, for the whole time i've been online, all that i was occupied in researching about was south korea. i mean.. hello... this brochure is taking up my internet time!!! not to mention i had to practically beg my mom to at least buy me an internet card again so that i could research AGAIN. ahh... sux to be a student. well, at least i know when, after all of this crap that i ain't gonna use in the real world, living as an adult is much harder than writing effing write ups so yeah... i guess i'd better enjoy life while i'm still here and in school...

actually, all i wanna do is live up my dreams in college. i'm not going to do anything right now. maybe just follow rules and do my homework like the good little girl i am but that's that. a teacher once said that it's amazing how things end up, when you graduate. it's like, those who were lazy bums in highschool suddenly became like a superstar in a different field in college. it would be kewl if that ever happened to me.

i do have the chance, you know.

so, the motto for a few days would be : BE ORIGINAL. yes, me and chie are painstakingly making our brochures with our own words and drawings; hers in computer form, mine in the traditional way. i mean, it's not my fault for not having a printer, right? i depend on other people to print stuff for me anyway. ahahahaha. nah, am not using them. i usually take favors AFTER they print my report or whatever. lol

and yeah, this is the ever first sunday that i actually felt... complete. i mean, my mom didn't bring my brother along this time, after having a major fight which included tears and traumas. (mom felt guilty afterwards). got to eat shawarma from the usual place, walked back home, drank C2 to wash it all down, HW all done except math, advanced read on something, and now typing this. i just feel totally complete knowing that most of the things i have to do and always wanted to do are done and in the past...

good luck to my mistakes though.

ahahaha. i just hope tomorrow, my groupmates would bring out their poems... i just wish they wouldn't have forgotten them. i mean, i made post -it thingies and wrote legibly on it! i wouldn't do that just for anyone, ya know.

...

just suddenly looked around and i must admit... my workplace has suddenly turned into crap in just three days. maaaaaaaannn... and here i was, saying i was OC about my stuff... hahahahaha.. gotta use that duffel bag my grandmother bought for me... it's huge, and i can fit both bio and algeb books in it! how cool is that? except that it hurts on the shoulders when you walk with it, but who cares? as long as the books stay inside and i can't see them, i won't have the urge to throw them unexpectedly! lol.

speaking of books, i haven't had one for AGES. i want to have a new book, but i know my mom can't buy me one now cause we're low on money. sometimes i regret having piano classes cause it's because of that that i can't buy the things i want the most now... like new clothes or new books...

even the pens... gaaaaaahhhh... staedler (?) pens... want them...

but they're fucking expensive, so i'll get them out of my list first. i need books, not pens. books, not pens. books not pens. (mantra)

was in church again today, and i kinda remember ian again. i mean, someday, i have to at least get real and forget about him. i didn't even HAVE the chance to say that i liked him... c'mon lisha... stupid for wanting to see a guy who's good as dead.

and yeah, really stooooooopid for wanting a guy, who's doubting you, who had a girlfriend who's way better than you. yes, i just saw something that made me remember. and yes, i started to compare. the hell... i mean, maybe ichie's right... maybe 'panakip butas' lang ang tingin niya sakin. cause, cmon... get real. after having such a great, pretty, talented, sweet, charming, kind girlfriend, you're switching back to me? and just like that?

'...'

sometimes, i just really don't know what to think. sometimes i think everything's fine, that all's right, and sometimes i hate you. hate you so much to hell. sometimes i love you. there's a lot of 'somtimes' this and that shit. and they all lead into different directions.

but how come i can't admit it? why can't i say 'oh hey, i'm really confused right now so yeah, stay away away from me first so i could think. come back another day'...

okay, that's just crap. shitty crap. gaaaaaaaaahhh... hormones... maybe these are PMS-thoughts... hmm... maybe...

oh oh oh oh oh. come to think of it, these were the EXACT SAME thoughts i had some time a year ago... lol. hahaha... maybe i just have to rely on my answers before: that i shouldn't start douobting, that i should just be myself, that i shouldn't hide, that i shouldn't get mad. yeah... thinking... more thoughts...

lol, my thoughts are like my messed up stuff!!!

-shing

just being me

today, i woke up extra early just so i could go to those chuva math classes my teacher has. it's a wonder how mt math teacher could survive looking at us for about 6 times a week, teaching us effing hard algebra without twitching and getting mad. she's been my teacher since first year, so i'm lucky to have her teach me again. i like the way she does things, and the exercises she gives all of us, well... some are hard, and some are like easy enough. whether or not it's hard or not, it still trains me in an area my mind is slow at. MATH will always be a hard subject for me. ehehehe

piano went smoothly too. i mean, i actually did it! i can't believe it... i did a fast scale without stopping. muahahahahaha. it's a start, really. after that, back to the consultation room, and abby was kind enough to give me a ride home. ehehehe.

maybe i really should start thinking about the POSITIVE sides of people. mostly, i find some people damn annoying, but then, i don't know them personally as well. maybe they're acting like that JUST because. think i should change my views? maybe.

i went to cubao just a little while ago, alone, and bought school materials and project materials the like. it actually got me thinking: why am i alone? i mean, long before, i wasn't used to this kind of lifestyle; i'd always have someone tailing after me, holding my stuff, doing the math when it came to jeepney fares and all that. but now? i do everything. and all i could say is i feel a bit sad. life is so... boring without someone. plus the fact that all the people i passed had someone with them: friends, lovers, family... even saw a gay couple. ahahahaha.

reread teh blog again, and yeah... i'm really not sure myself. i mean, i have my doubts, i have my own little nagging thoughts. but i know FOR SURE that i still love him. sure, it's laced with hate, but still love nonetheless. i stil have the habit to write words related to him on my hand or somewhere in my notes... well, mostly on Bio :P but yeah... maybe it really would be best if things just went the way they were. i'd just decide when the time comes.

but right now, i'd have to focus all my 'will power' and 'brain power' on studies. they're being a bitch again, and i can't help but cram as well. :P ahahahahahahaha. back to writing and coloring, i guess.

-lisha

this week's post...

TGIF... years after this accronym was created, i just realized now what it means.. stupid, but i know... i KNEW i was always late for these kinds of things. so to add to the list, TGIF means Thank God It's Friday and mediocre will still mean 'common' for me. like it did since the 5th grade.

yes, i have finally tried to erase all of my fears and took the effing Pauliworld exam. for those who DONT know what Pauliworld is, it's our school's official paper. nuff said about it. so yeah, me, pat, shaniqua and val took the effing test last thursday, and until now, we're crossing our fingers for luck. to be in it would be soooooo cool!!!

this week, i have finally decided that i'd be a writer when i grow up. cause all i wanna do now is write. edit. write. maybe draw a little, but everything i draw actually has another meaning, so yeah... or beat that kid in her own game. hahahaha, am just so sorry i know how to draw, girl.

the little prince fish is something i've been squeeling about on and on and on snce the day it was given as a HW... which was yesterday! ahahahaha. i now, the twist in it was a bit far fetched, but how the hell does a mermaid fit in today's life? i'll tell you, no one believes in it right now. no use fighting about that. so i'm making the setting back when it was still a bit believable. around... victorian time :P or until the time of rulers. ahahahaha

tomorrow, once again, i'd be facing teh piano, and guess what? ha, we'll be starting in the duet thing... awww man... i'd hate to not get it right... and for my sake as well.

all in all, this week wasn't THAT much pressing... or 'harrying' as me and pat have dubbed it. (hinaharry) ahahahaha. the highway man by alfred noyes rox... yeah it does!

and yes, i hope i never have to lose my voice again. it's really irritating that i can't tell anyone what i want to say. at least kate and chie understands my moves. but that's it. it's only them that i could talk 'mute' ahahaha.

and yes, i hate guys. well, guys who are selfish and totally pigheads.

at least kuya ain't one of them :P... well, i wouldn't love a pighead, so if he WAS one, i wouldn't love him. :P

(this heart, it beats, beats only for you)

ahahaha... my heart by paramore... it got mentioned yesterday as well, so yeah, i started listening to it again. took out the i-pod from it's case and yadda yadda yadda.

cause i'm happy... and GAY!!! (no, not in the terms of being bisexual)

-shing

the other bus

for the past few days, i've been brought home via the other bus. the bus where... honestly, i don't like the vibes. but i know one thing's sure: the people there absolutely despise who i am. I am optimistic, this i know from others. but they detest optimism. as if they think lives could go on with the same boring routine, the routine that consisted of staring into space without words or smiles, without laughter or ideas. no nothing. i could say that being in there is actually killing me.

and i don't like it.